MY SIBLINGS AND I….
….. Why we fight the way we do…..
You may have come across Tim Lahaye’s best-selling book why you act the way you do. A good number of people actually have issues with why their friend behaves the way she does and why the chap would just be nice all of a sudden. Now, get this, I promised myself I would never try to analyze people because in the long run, my analysis will just be as good as useless. So, my conclusion on behavioral difference issue is- let people be, accept them the way they are, and if you can’t then relocate and reposition yourself.
However, just recently, I came across a very interesting topic on why siblings differ from each other. You probably just shook your head like yeah! Why do I always quarrel with my siblings? While Tim Lahaye’s book on temperament might provide a lot of answers to the temperamental behavior of each sibling, another question then arises that why should siblings then differ from each other in terms of temperaments, after all, we grew up in the same environment, we were raised by the same parents and the likes. In my own opinion, behavioral differences cannot be fully understood by anyone and kudos must be given to psychologists who take a lot of time studying humans.
One of these psychologists in his study gave the following reasons for the behavioral differences in siblings.
- Non shared environmental experiences
- Parents treat each child differently
- Each child has different experiences outside the family
- During late childhood, children often deliberately try not to be like their siblings- a process called SIBLING DEIDENTIFICATION.
Now, this was the part that got my attention because it suddenly dawned on me that it was true. From personal experience, I have had my siblings tell me to my own face that there are things I do that they would not do. Well that is kind of expected. I mean everyone was created to be different and if all of us at home had to behave the same way, mehhnn that house would be dry o. in the process of de-identifying themselves, the other sibling might take offence or in actual fact things might even become muddled up. This happens because, ironically, genetically similar people actively strive to be different from people they have the greatest potential to resemble and in a bid to change themselves or create the kind of self they can live with, there is a thin battle line of rivalry that is drawn.
Unfortunately, a good number of people are not skilled at managing this somewhat natural occurrence and as such may allow it develop into something not controllable. This is not to say that there are no persons that can adequately manage the rivalry. Managing it however requires a lot of understanding and patience. A lot of times, having opposite temperaments might also hasten up understanding each other.
But like I said earlier, I concluded a long time ago that no one can ever be like me in conduct and behavior. So if I am going to learn to be at peace with all men, siblings or not, I would also have to learn early to accept people for who they are, live up to my own standard for me while desperately hoping that my siblings would at least learn from my mistakes. And even if they have to de-identify themselves in the long run, they should de identify from the bad characters I actually have and create a better world around themselves.